College friends
Basically, a large group of people who I thought I had established meaningful connections with, and became good friends with, has pretty much just forgotten me over the span of a week. Suffice to say that we were in an organization together, and since I left it our connection has been slowly fading away. But I never thought it would just totally dissapear to this point, given how chummy we were at one point.
I bumped into them at the dining hall and went to their table to say hello, fully expecting them to make room for me to sit with them, or at least make small talk. But one of them made a comment acknowledging my existence, returned to whatever they were doing at the table and that was it. I was just completely ignored.
Without going into details, it's a little difficult to explain how close we were before I left. But believe me, we were close. And now we're not. We're so not. They pretty much treated me like some weirdo stranger who had no business approaching that table.
How?? How did this happen, so thoroughly, so quickly?
Sure, you can say that without a shared interest, it's only natural that our relationship would evaporate. But after I left, they told me to stay in the group chat. The Life360. They told me they still wanted to hang out with me, and that I should still join them for meals whenever I could. Was that all a lie? Were they just pretending that I was a part of the group, just to make me feel better? And now that I don't interact with them as much, there's no need to even pretend anymore?
And if my relationship with them had been this shallow all along, what does that mean for all of the other connections I've made?
I'm currently an international student in American college. Every relationship I'm in here is at most one month old. These were the guys I had spent the longest time with, and done the most things with. Right now, there are people who I am under the impression that I am close friends with, who I thought trusted me, enjoyed my company, and would still want to know me after I leave this university and country. But if just leaving the organization made the closest relationships I had dissapear into thin air, there's no way any of the more shallow ones I have right now are going to survive me going to the other side of the planet.
If that is the reality of the situation...I hate this. I hate this so much. None of this means anything. All of this is just a lie. The college social life which I treasured so much, and was so happy about just a few hours ago is nothing but a rancid, putrid piece of deceitful, conniving trash that isn't worth my energy to spit on. I thought I had friends. I wanted friends. I was happy to have friends. Now I'm just mortified that I ever believed such a thing was possible.