Moving out after 10 years
I'm moving out in one and a half weeks, from the house I've lived in for the past 10 years. My family isn't planning to renew the lease, and once I'm out my parents will move all our books to my grandma's place, give away most of our furniture and throw away the rest, and return the house to the landlord.
In one and a half weeks, I'm never gonna hear the birds chirp in the morning, with their twitters echoing off the neighbouring apartments, from my bedroom window again.
I'm never going to lie on my bed again, and feel that particular stiffness I've come to feel comfortable on.
I'm never gonna cook in this kitchen again, scrub this bathroom floor again, or dust this house ever again.
These things aren't even that special, and I would have never felt that they could be special in any way if I'd never had them to begin with. But I still feel extremely disconcerted because, what if they're valuable in some subtle, incredible way which I don't realize now, which I'll realize later and which'll make me wish I had them back?
I don't particularly like this house, but it's been alright; I know I can live, work, study and be at ease in it; what guarantees are there that those thing will be possible in the dorm I'll be moving to, the houses and apartments I'll be moving to after that? What if everything I manage to acquire later is inferior to this, and I spend the rest of my life yearning to return to this house, return to this routine and lifestyle?
I know life has to move on, and I have no misgivings about my choice to finally leave this place behind. but if I keep going on with my routine as usual while I'm here, will I regret that I didn't properly appreciate the last week and a half I had of it?
Naturally the answer would be to savor this routine in the time I have left. But how do I savor it? What about the routine do I savor? how do I appreciate aspects of my routine which I don't even know exist or not?
The experiences that I'm about to plunge into and marinate in for the next few years are what will give me the answers to these questions. But once I know the answers, it'll already be too late. So what do I do?
I'll finish up my morning studies while the birds chirp outside my window. Later today, I'll go buy groceries, cook lunch, mop the floor, study more, and cook dinner. And tonight I'm going to read in bed, listening to music with my earphones connected to my macbook, like I've done nearly every night for the past few years now.
Because I don't know what else I can do.