She likes me, she likes me not...
I've recently realized that making a blog post about the topic is actually a pretty good way to clear my thoughts on something, so here I am writing about the latest thing that's been bugging me. Fair warning, this is going to be a really, really stupid post because I am an 18-year old being romantically interested in someone for the first time in my life.
For roughly the past two weeks, I've been developing a relationship of an indeterminate nature with this girl from my Japanese 101 class. She crashed her scooter in front of me during the first week of classes, and a week after that we recognized each other during a club event and at Japanese class the morning after.
Ever since then we've had extremely short conversations most Japanese classes (it's held at 9AM Monday through Friday), with her being the one coming up to my seat almost every time. Last week she invited me to Kendo class this Monday and gave me her number...in case I had any questions about Kendo practice.
Kendo practice went alright, and we actually karaoke'd together to Kyu Sakamoto's 上を向いて歩こう (I think it used to be popular in America as "Sukiyaki" in the 60s) on the drive back. I walked with her to her dorm entrance as it was on the way to mine, and she suggested herself that we should have coffee together at this Starbucks on campus some time...after I said that we should find some way to hang out since it was so rare to find someone as interested in Japanese culture as each other. And I'm sure she meant it, because she was going to suggest this Saturday herself before remembering that she had to go back to her hometown this weekend (but we agreed to do it next week!), and she specifically mentioned that she wanted a matcha something something.
Now. I think I can say with confidence that we are friends. But is there anything non-platonic going on here??
I really want to avoid being some kind of overeager guy who pushes things into a state the other party isn't entirely sure they want them to be in. So I've avoided taking the initiative on pretty much everything. But I've made sure to respond wholeheartedly whenever she's done anything of her own accord. When she gave me her number, I sent a text message so she would have mine—we're actually texting on a semi-regular basis now which is nice. When she invited me to Kendo club, I immediately agreed to go. When she informs me she's not going to be at a club activity (I would like to clarify that I had never asked her whether she would be at a event before that), I clearly express dissapointment.
But what I can't tell is, does she just really want to hang out with me? Like she thinks I'm cool/a kindred spirit who likes Japanese culture or something? Giving someone your number and suggesting that you get coffee would normally be pretty clear signs, but this was all done in the context of our mutual interest in Japanese culture. I just don't understand how I'd be able to differentiate between the two possibilities. Or does she not have any interest in me at all, and I've somehow led things to this point of my own accord without realizing it? Would it be the gentlemanly thing to just back out and let this slow down for a bit? But if she actually likes me, and I erroneously lead her to think I don't like her...aghhhhhh.
At this point, I might genuinely just grab a daisy and pluck the petals to come to a conclusion. I've been thinking about this for almost a day straight now and it absolutely maddens me. I have tried asking my female friends, and they do say that she is probably interested in me—but "probably" doesn't do it! If she doesn't like me and I act on the wrong assumption, I might come off as some kind of rude, overly forward, embarrassingly self-confidence cad!
I don't know, I just don't know...fjdakljsldsldgksjldg.
PS: I just remembered that she found my profile in the Japanese club Discord server and apparently remembered all my languages that I listed in the description. She told me after I asked her how she knew.